I’m incredibly relational. If you’ve ever met me, you’ve probably picked up on that. I love spending time in deep conversation with people I respect and love!
Lately, however, I’ve been busy. I’m working 50 hour weeks between two jobs, plus a full credit load. I’ve literally made myself sick (and lost my voice) from stress, exhaustion, and lack of sleep.
I long for times of rest, to be with those I love. But they are far away. Whether they’re across the state or across the country, the people I normally recharge with can’t come alongside me this time.
I’ve struggled with loneliness for months now, since my brother left for boot camp, school picked up, I started another job, etc. My friendships have nosedived. My parents and I hardly find time to talk. I feel isolated.
In the past few weeks, I’ve been reminded that God is using this time to call out to me, and I’m so busy trying to keep my head above water that I’m not listening.
“Erika!” He says. “My precious daughter, you are never alone. I am right beside you. Why don’t you see me? Why won’t you come to me?”
As terrified of being alone as I am, I haven’t been relying on the most constant, trustworthy presence in my life. I have isolated myself. Cut myself off from the power I need to sustain me, and to get me through this busy schedule; the power that is inside of me already!
I’m working on it. Reaching out. Begging for help. Trying to remind myself that I’m not alone, because I have an incredible and powerful God who can’t wait to do life with me. He will never leave me. Even after failing him every day of my life, he still calls out to me every single day. Is that not amazing?
Honestly, I haven’t gotten it all figured out. I’d love to say that after wrestling with this, I’m now at peace.
I’m closer. I’m praying more, and spending more time reading the Word. At times I’m in awe, and at times I’m in tears. Day to day, I’m trying to not rely on myself, but to let the strength and peace of Christ fill me.
Friends, let me pray the same for you. I hope that as you’re reading this, you’re reminded of aspects of your life where you need his strength and his peace to fill you.
My advice? Let him. He’s calling out to you too.
P.S. The photo isn’t of me, but my lovely friend Mehgan, as you may remember.